Deleted Scene #3 – Driving Crazy
“Dirk Irtly, channel forty-two action news central”… is from page 195. It had a joke that one of my proof readers didn’t get, so I tried to expand on it. Then she thought it was too vulgar, so I removed the whole thing. But every time I read it, I laugh, so I wanted to share it with you.
I said casually. “Oh, did I tell ya I’m recently recovering from hip surgery?”
“Wow,” replied Dirk, “that’s amazing. How did you break it?”
“Oh no, I didn’t break anything. I just didn’t feel I was hip enough.”
Austin, from just off camera, chimed in with, “Bah-dah-bum, chee!” A classic rimshot noise if ever I heard one. “But seriously folks.”
“You play a good straight man, Dirk Irtly.”
“Hey now, wait a minute,” Dirk said with fire in his eyes. “I’m not gay!”
“No, I meant in the comedy sense. You’re Dick to my Tommy.”
“My what to your what? I said I don’t swing that way!”
“No, the Smothers Brothers. You’re my … oh never mind. So hey, when will this air?”
Mumbling under his breath, the flummoxed reporter replied, “Never, if I have anything to say about it.”
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